Do we all strive for acceptance?
Do we all want to fit in with somebody? Or something? To be loved? To love another!?
I really have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing really.
Sometimes I think that I am just so tiny and so insignificant that it just doesn’t matter. Whatever I say or do is so miniscule to what the universe really holds.
Sometimes I feel that this life I am living raising my kid and taking photographs and writing and bullshitting around just doesn’t matter.
Who am I? And does it really matter? Who cares? What is the meaning of it all? Who put me here and where does it end? Does it end? Is there a beginning?
Beginning to what? It really makes no sense. Big bang theory? Fuck off with that horseshit. The whole idea of the universe and the being of humans on this tiny planet is so beyond anything my brain can identify with.
I wish I understood it all. I’m kind of hoping that when I die I figure it out. Like “god” or whoever or whatever comes up to me and “shows me the light”.
What the fuck is this shit? Why is the moon orbiting earth? What exists in other galaxies? What is in the sky? Why are you reading this? Why do I get tattoos? Why do I love my kids?
I strive for meaning each day. I try to be happy. I live my life and try to make the best of what I am personally given.
What do you do? Are you unhappy with something? THEN FUCKING CHANGE IT. Do something about it. Don’t ride the rollercoaster motherfucker unless you want to. Don’t get in line unless you want to feel that rush of excitement.
Walk among the herd? Baaaaaaaa, moooooo, — yeah —- that’s the sound of farm animals. Don’t be a goat. Get on board with something and roll with it.
Because you love it.
What else is there to do really?
May 8th, 2009
Tagged: , 365 , 365days , me , self , selfportrait , ryan , earth , moon , stars , light , dark , night , night photography